quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
