no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
