just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
