Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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