Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
only you would photoshop your dick
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
