I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
