If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
