i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
