Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
