You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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