She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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