i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
