They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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