i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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