how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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