i need an iv and a liver transplant
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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