i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
