So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You smell like stripper and shame
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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