Got a toothbrush?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Non-Jews are for practice
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You pole danced in your parka.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
