it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
