I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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