you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Found the puke drawer
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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