Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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