I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize