i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
