you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
