woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
