'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
