That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
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