So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
