Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
