yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
