I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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