Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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