but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize