she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
