Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
