so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
