he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
