ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
