remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize