it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
