I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
