Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
