When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
