dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
