No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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