LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
