we're chasing vodka with high fives
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
