break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
