i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
