I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
