I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
