period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
