i'm signing you up for texting rehab
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
