If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
