C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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