its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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