apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
