I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
