so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize