dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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