just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
