They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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