No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Mom said you looked used
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
