would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
