you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
