I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Randomize
