I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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