bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
