I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
