No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
