The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
