dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize