So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
