I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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