she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
