I smell stomach acid.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
