just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
