5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
