I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
