Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
