i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
