in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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