Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
