then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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