i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
