he thought i was a dude.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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