Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I wish I only lived at night.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
