So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I faked an abortion last night.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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