I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
