He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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