I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
