I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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