and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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