there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize