is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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