So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i was born a porn star she said
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im holly from the hills drunk
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
