You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
