Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
