Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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