Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
